Ben doesn’t worry about being perfect and strangely he just is….,Canon Rebel XTI
When Ben was a few weeks old,Canon Rebel XTI
If you are anything like me, you have a perfectionist gremlin that keeps you from getting things done. “That’s not good enough!” it shouts. “You should maybe do that in your journal first..” it whispers. “Maybe you should work on it later/tomorrow/when the time is right…” “This is important. You shouldn’t just write whatever… you should light a candle and burn some incense and make a sacred space…”
Very clever little gremlin, I might add.
For those of you who haven’t answered the completion questions yet (and are inspired to) like myself, I encourage you to go in the face of your gremlins and write ANYTHING. I am a fan of the quick and dirty version… When I give myself permission to write something imperfect, I end up writing SOMETHING and that is always better than nothing. Even better, there is often a kernel of writing/ideas that I like in there. Sometimes the quick and dirty version is the most true expression, free(ish) of ego and gremlin activity. Imagine: What if you did a quick and dirty version of that novel? that proposal? that application? that painting?
Here are my quick and dirty answers to the completion questions:
1. In 2007 I learned how to take care of Ben, how to change a diaper, feed a wee one, listen to him cry (so difficult) and love him up. I learned how to give myself over to a task, to let go of all the things I thought I needed to do (sleep, see friends, blog, etc.) and simply BE with this little dude. I’m proud of the commitments I have made (and honored) to my little family. I am proud of how patient, present and connected I have been. I have been a good mama.
I am also proud that I ran Superhero Designs and got so much joy out of doing so. Making necklaces was like a meditation for me and I am so happy that I was able to do it and contribute financially to our home. I am proud of a successful year both personally and professionally.
I am proud that I honored my desire to be creative and to write and take photos when I could and also let it go when it wasn’t possible.
2. I forgive myself for being a totally imperfect mother and partner. I forgive myself for trying to control the show and not letting others help me (and then resenting them, ha! :). I forgive myself for neglecting relationships and disappearing. I forgive myself for not taking care of my body well. I forgive myself for not making ben’s baby food (earth’s best baby!) and for possibly contributing to whatever chewing and weight problems he has. I forgive myself for being afraid to travel with Ben (even to SF) this year. I forgive myself for watching too much tv and dvds.
I grieve the relationship that Matt and I had as a duo.
3. 2007, you were long and full and rich with lessons, joys and challenges. I am grateful to you and I am also ready to let you go and create anew. I declare you complete!
2008 is my year of partnership and romance!