mommy guilt setting in early

hands_feet.jpg
ben, Canon Digital Rebel XTi

So I knew that I would have moments of worrying whether I was a good mother, I just didn’t know it would end up being my very first moment of motherhood! I hadn’t realized how deeply engrained all of those images from movies were, that moment when the baby finally comes out, the doctors put them on the mama’s chest and the mom weeps because she is so moved and in love.

This totally didn’t happen to me.

It was not love at first sight. I was “in” a lot of things… but not love exactly. I was in… pain (there was that pesky business with the stitches and then, oh yeah, the placenta being delivered) I was in awe, I was in relief, I was in total shock. It was all so overwhelming and confusing and WEIRD. No one told me that I might not be in love but just completely tripped out. What just happened to me? and whose baby is this? I must have thought I would somehow recognize him from a past life or from my dreams or something… because my first thought was, “Wow! You are a brand new person. I don’t know you!”

So that’s when I started to think that maybe I was a bad person and I should start mustering up those love feelings pretty quick or they were going to take him away.

And they did come… but they happened slowly and over time. Every day and week that passed (and passes) Matt and I agree that we love him even more. Just when we think we can’t love him any more, we do. And that’s how it was when I fell in love with Matt. It took two years for me to fall for him, but when I was in I was in. Luckily, it took much less time with Ben.

I share this to dispel the fantasy that we should be a certain way at certain moments of our lives. At our wedding? Matt was the one who cried at the altar. When one of my best friends moved away it took me weeks before I called her and cried and said, “I can’t believe you’re gone!!!” Sometimes it takes time for things to sink in.

Do any of you have moments like these you want to share? when you thought you should feel something you didn’t? or felt something you were ashamed of?

Follow on Facebook Follow on Instagram Follow on Twitter Follow on Pinterest

Hi, I’m Andrea

On this blog you’ll be learning with me how to use our voices, share our creative superpowers and live life in full color.

As an artist, photographer, life coach + mentor, I’m redefining what it means to be a SUPERHERO — ‘cause in my world, it’s got nothing to do with capes, spandex or sidekicks and everything to do with tenderness, intuition & baby steps of bravery.

LEARN MORE ABOUT ME >

1 Comment

  1. oprol evorter

    Just want to say your article is as astonishing. The clearness in your post is just spectacular and i could assume you are an expert on this subject. Fine with your permission allow me to grab your RSS feed to keep updated with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please continue the enjoyable work.

    Reply

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Ready for your next creative adventure?

Download the Mondo Beyondo dream generator!

Latest from the blog

CSP #82: We Should Get Together with Kat Vellos

CSP #82: We Should Get Together with Kat Vellos

Listen in to this great conversation about adult friendship with expert Kat Vellos! Kat Vellos is a trusted expert on the power of cultivating meaningful friendships. She’s a speaker and author of the book, We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better...

read more

self guided e-courses
INSTANT & FOREVER ACCESS

Choosing Ease

30 days of ease, joy and cultivating wonder

I believe that when I’m creating from a place of ease and buoyancy I am actually in flow – in alignment with myself and the Universe.

Capture the Magic

Rock your camera-phone - and discover that beauty and joy are everywhere.

The very best camera is the one that’s with you! I’ll show you how to get on your own path of joy and delight while learning photography skills along the way.

mondo beyondo

What does your heart truly want in 2020? 

What if you could name your dreams and desires for 2020 and create a plan to make them reality?

VIEW MORE COURSES

Get your FREE guide to experiencing more wonder + joy!

Hop on my mailing list to get weekly-ish inspiration, updates and your free downloadable PDF: 9 ways to experience more wonder right now. I'm so glad you're here!

You have Successfully Subscribed!