fu you!

matt_grant.jpg
Matt and Grant after a dust storm, Burning Man, Olympus Epic

I went to Matt’s Kung Fu class last night to check it out. It was great except for when the fighting started. They call this part of the practice the “applications.”

I was paired with a girl who wore tons of black eyeliner and didn’t smile. Her tee shirt said, “Emily wants YOU to leave me alone!”

As she gestured a punch toward my face, I tried to look casual, like I’d been in millions of fights before, but I saw this look in her eyes that made me wince. I blocked her punches with my forearm and felt a bruise immediately form. “Damn! that hurts!” I said. “Yeah, that’s just how it is,” she said and punched me again.

The teacher came over to show us the next part of the move. She was instructed to cross my arms, pin them to my torso, and then go in for the jugular. Literally, she lunged forward, grabbed my neck, put a hand in the small of my back, and arched me to the floor. “Can’t she just GESTURE like she’s going for my neck?” I asked. “Yes, definitely”, the teacher said, “this part makes some people uncomfortable.”

I think Matt really wanted me to love it more. He imagined us at home doing moves from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. With a “Suh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” we’d be floating across the kitchen in praying mantis stance.
Ah, well.

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Hi, I’m Andrea

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5 Comments

  1. rachael

    “Yeah, that’s just how it is!” heheh. what a hilarious story. 🙂

  2. erika

    Some dreams die hard. I couldn’t be in a class like that. I have a hard enough time trying to join a self defense class! That is on my list though, it will get done.
    Hope you have a better time next time…if there is a next time.

  3. Michele

    Your story gave me a good laugh! OH my god, I tell you what, I hate faux combat stuff like that. I was in a kick-boxing class where we were supposed to “pretend” to punch someone so that they could “pretend” to duck the “pretend” punch. When the girl I was paired up with was supposed to “pretend” to punch me, she just flat out punched me. Even though I had ducked as low as I could possibly go…she threw her ol’ Mike Tyson arm down at me as I ducked!

  4. Sharyn

    I have to admit…a few years back, I *was* that girl with the black eyeliner. Except I had the Emily “Fight Like a Girl” shirt and I took Tae Kwan Do. The good news, motherhood has really mellowed me out!

  5. lena

    that girl would have sent me out of there in tears!

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