12 weeks*

andrea_12_weeks.jpg
Self-portrait, 12 weeks, Berkeley, CA, Canon Digital Rebel XSi

So far the rumors are true. After 12 weeks of pregnancy you really do start to feel more human. On Saturday, I was shocked and completely exhilerated by the fact that I didn’t feel like throwing up. Just that simple fact was enough to put me in a good mood. Add to that my dear friend SARK’s birthday party at Ft. Mason, some Bocce and Ben’s maiden voyage with a kite and the day was pretty awesome.

I would have posted photos of this marvelous afternoon, but I accidently erased the whole card in an effort to capture a late night mustache adventure instead. Just picture Ben running buck naked down the street in nothing but a black mustache and you can see why I frantically ran for the camera and formatted it without regard for what was already on it. The photo is crap, but the moment, oh the moment.. totally etched in my memory. 😉

ben_running_mustache.jpg
gene_ben_mustache2.jpg
Gene and Ben, Berkeley, CA, Canon Digital Rebel XSi

Now that I am feeling human again it’s tempting to make up for lost time, to get everything done I’ve been neglecting, to be all superwoman again. But the truth is something in my drive was lost in the last three months. My ability to work, to make plans, all of it kind of flew out the window. I’ve been struggling to find my way in, to buckle down and get my shit together before this baby comes, and I’m finding it hard.

I think feeling lost is inevitable when we are in transition, when we are traveling from one place to another, one passage to the next. We want everything to stay the same, but that is not the nature of change. It requires discomfort and wobbliness and not knowing what’s next. Lately, I feel like I have to trust I am being carried. My old moves don’t work anymore and I’ve had to surrender to the tide of what’s actually happening. Trust that sometimes it’s okay not to know and have faith that what’s next might even be better than what I could have imagined.

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Hi, I’m Andrea

On this blog you’ll be learning with me how to use our voices, share our creative superpowers and live life in full color.

As an artist, photographer, life coach + mentor, I’m redefining what it means to be a SUPERHERO — ‘cause in my world, it’s got nothing to do with capes, spandex or sidekicks and everything to do with tenderness, intuition & baby steps of bravery.

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67 Comments

  1. maura

    You are beautiful and doing just what you are supposed to. Thanks for continuing to inspire me! (We’re trying for #1 and I’m currently in the throws of clomid hot flushy craziness). Thanks for spreading a little magic into my day, just by being you.

  2. Leslie

    you look beautiful….and Ben…well that photo just made me laugh and laugh.

  3. Lu

    oh, how 12 weeks makes pregnancy so worth it. the next three months were always bliss for me.

  4. Karen/Chookooloonks

    Oh, are we calling Antonio Banderas “Gene” now? 😉
    Great images. Glad you’re feeling good, friend.
    K.

  5. emily Lyles

    oooooooh beautiful amazing great awesomeness! i have been silent for a while (graduating is hard work… no one told me that!), but i wanted to let you know that i was talking to my dad the other day and he asked about you- i told him that you are pregnant again and sent him a link to the video of ben dancing. we were both sharing how overwhelmingly happy we are for you and your beautiful family. i remember out day in the city years ago and how much you hoped for this. i feel so blessed to be able to be a part of/watch your journey!
    maybe when pregnancy and graduation/grad school overwhelm cease we can have a pow~wow catch up.
    xoxoxo
    eMiLy

  6. cjm

    Love the pics! I’m way too excited over your
    (a stranger’s) pregancy. Just so happy for you. Love the mustache! And props to Karen for her Antonio Banderas comment. 🙂

  7. Jummy

    I got shivers seeing that first picture. I am so very happy for you and your lovely little family! Congratulations!

  8. HeidiRenee

    Trust the tide Andrea – as one who lives on the Bay of Fundy where we can have a 30′ drop in tides 2x a day they do exactly what they are supposed to do – each and every day.
    Some days you’ll feel like you’re up to your neck in it, and then the tide goes out and you know your feet are on firm ground. This too shall pass.
    You are one of the best mothers I have ever observed from afar – and even if NOTHING ever gets done between now and when that baby comes to greet you she/he will be so blessed – and you will be ready – and all of the important things will be in place – and anything that isn’t important won’t matter at all.
    Enjoy the process!

  9. Moyra

    congratulations. first 12 weeks is lousy. middle bit great!!

  10. Kelly

    It’s very true…change being disorienting. I achieved a dream of moving to Seattle, but when it came time to start looking for a semi-permanent place to live here, I couldn’t figure out what to do. It’s easy to get caught up in that rootless feeling, thinking it will last forever, but one does touch back down and regain footing.

  11. ChristyG

    I love the photo of Ben with the moustache! Just fabulous. Congratulations on your pregnancy! (I’ve been reading your blog for years, I just haven’t commented much!)

  12. Cath

    oh god. Why does this bring me such giddiness? Awesomeness…again.
    Always such greatness from this blog.

  13. Damaris

    woot, woot! congrats on number 2. It’s about time you’re having another baby, your first baby is already getting facial hair.

  14. Tara

    Andrea, I truly needed to read that last paragraph. I feel on the edge of a cliff. Change in the wind, pushing at my back. But unable to take that step. Unsure of which way to step. Thank you for reminding me of the tide – it will carry me. I don’t have to step alone. I will figure this out.
    xoxo

  15. Gemma

    I picture life transitions as very narrow passages such as the gate in ancient Jerusalem nick-named The Eye of the Needle: intentionally too narrow to allow you to bring your baggage with you. In the ancient city, the purpose was to get you to stop so your goods could be taxed. In life, well, it seems we travel best when we travel light. I tend assume at first that transitions are temporary interruptions and want to reassert my old routines on the new order, and am often slow to recognize that, no, this is a permanent change and it’s time to let go of the old stuff and focus on adapting to the new circumstances. Glad you’ve recognized it earlier than I usually do! In a way transitions could be looked at as regular blessings that give us permission to off-load some of the detritus we accumulate along the way, of whatever kind. Blessings!

  16. Tricia

    Think this one might be a girl –

  17. Jen*

    That last paragraph was exactly what I needed to hear this afternoon. I mean exactly. It brought tears to my eyes and a glow to my heart…knowing I am not alone in the transitions.
    I appreciate your writing and I am so grateful I read your blog today!

  18. Kate Robertson

    Oh I am so delighted that you are having another child. So happy for you….

  19. Catherine

    you are beautiful.

  20. Trish

    I adore you
    Trish

  21. Trish

    I adore you
    Trish

  22. Denise A

    I SO hear you. I am at week 11 (excited to be on the pregnancy journey with you!) and I am feeling better than weeks 6-9, but am still so low energy and finding it hard to get myself into gear to do anything. I have NO idea how you managed the first trimester while chasing another child around!
    We’ll get there, though! And in November, it will be miraculous.

  23. Michelle

    1. you look fantastic! happy 12 weeks!
    2. Ben is outrageously FANtastic! I love his spirit!
    3. your paragraph on transitions and trusting being carried is so utterly right on. If I was to get a t-shirt printed with the motto of my life at the moment it just might be, “My old moves don’t work anymore and I’ve had to surrender to the tide of what’s actually happening.” I love it – so so true!

  24. Nina

    I remember those days of having a toddler and an infant to care for and sometimes feeling like I was doing everything with one hand tied behind my back…until I let go, and then it was back to floating along on the sweet ride. I love the way you celebrate moments, no wonder Ben seems like such a happy kid!

  25. sonrie

    I don’t comment much but am an avid reader of your blog — just wanted to comment that am overjoyed to hear about your pregnancy. You have my heart, just as each post about Ben I have to make sure that he’s ok…so glad that nothing worse has happened with him. 🙂

  26. Marianne

    Yes. Beautifully put. When we move into the transition we have to move into trust, it feels wobbly (for me anyway, maybe I need trust training wheels) but in time the wobbliness changes again, and so the cycle continues.
    Love to you. That photo is priceless.

  27. amber

    Congratulations on your pregnancy! 12 weeks WOOT! And those ‘staches are priceless 🙂

  28. Patricia

    Dear Andrea – Thank you for this tender, joyful and healing entry. Like many others here today, I felt like you were speaking directly to me. Your words about transition have given me comfort and permission to feel unsettled and a bit fearful as I move through my own. Thank you for that. The gift of seeing Ben so happy and you so full of life (literally) gave me joy. It brought back the memories of my children chasing each other around the house, naked and me laughing to tears. Thank you for that too.

  29. Tinniegirl

    Your words are always so timely for me too. What a gift blogging is, for the reader and the blogger. This amazing outlet for our creative voices and our journeys.
    That shot of Ben is fabulous.

  30. missmartha

    whooo hoooo congrats!

  31. Puanani

    First of all, I am so tickled you are in the family way again. Just tickled. Secondly, darn about the kite photos, would have LOVED to see that. Third, Naked Stache Man, oh man. Love that boy. Lastly,
    we are in a Pregnant Pause as we wait for interviews in Portland. Change may be a moving van away. You are right. It is wobbly and uncomfortable, but oh so delicious and full of adventure. Xo. Blessings on this time. Oh, and relax. No good time for a baby. Just enjoy Ben in his only childness, do that. xo

  32. Dreaming Bear

    Love this post! Congrats on being “with child” again! Always fun to see what you and your lovely family are up to! Totally DIGGING the moustaches! LOVE ‘EM!

  33. Lexi

    You look like a Superhero! Absolutely beautiful : ) And Ben? He melts my heart. Are you currently accepting marriage propositions for him? : )

  34. Miriam

    You radiate! Sometimes I think the most heroic thing is to stop trying to do so much and still be OK. I spent 11 weeks on bedrest, and now that I have a 15 month old cutie pie, I still don’t dust, or arrive at work perfectly prepared. Oh, a loud voice inside says I should, but a small voice is saying more clearly, enjoy. . .be. . .accept. You are enough! (True heroism in our frantic times, I think.!

  35. Victoria Winters

    You’re pregnant!?!??!!? Aaaaahhh! Congrats! I really, really want to email you about deciding on a 2nd. I’m in such a quandrie about this!

  36. Victoria Winters

    ha ha! That was me commenting AND emailing, so now I have the answer twice. 🙂 Very helpful. Still afraid, but can breath easier knowing I’m not alone.

  37. stef

    looking good mama!

  38. Jeanne

    Congratulations
    Much love and many blessings
    to you all
    Jeanne?

  39. Jeanne

    Congratulations
    Much love and many blessings
    to you all
    Jeanne?

  40. Lohi

    I haven’t visited for a while so was surprised, pleasantly, to find out you were pregnant. I too am preggie with my third child and my morning (noon and night) sickness did not abait till I was 17 weeks (I am 20weeks now).
    Well done you and Congratulations!

  41. Mariella

    Your last paragraph gave me goosebumps. Love when that little burst of magic does that!! Happy days to you!!! xoxo, ~ M.

  42. Deanna

    You look Beautiful! Congratulations.
    I am in Toronto and I can only describe the feeling since I’ve been here as Christmas. This was the best decision I have ever made. Thank GAWD for Mondo Beyondo!
    I was truly inspired by the story Jen sent out. I read it in the airport on my way to Toronto and had such a hard time chocking back tears. You guys are on to something BIG!
    So sorry you lost the pics, Ben is a gem.
    I look forward to see you guys one day : )

  43. Blink

    thank you for this …
    “Trust that sometimes it’s okay not to know and have faith that what’s next might even be better than what I could have imagined.”
    I really
    REALLY
    needed it today.
    love to you and your baby <3

  44. Tatiana

    You were on a blog roll for a friend way back when you were preggers with Ben and seeing you with new life in your belly just makes me think of how much time has passed! Back then, I was just starting to read blogs with any regularity and couldn’t fathom commenting on a post written by someone I didn’t know in “real life”. Cut to a couple years later and I’m going to greader meetups and conferences where the main form of keeping in touch is Twitter. Though I’m still nervous about posting comments on people’s blogs – I do believe this is my first here.
    A long winded way to say congrats, love the mustache, and thanks for the reminder of where I used to be.

  45. Tina

    I try to remember transition is that moment in birth when the laboring woman shivers and shakes uncontrollably and swears like crazy. The other transitions aren’t so intense, last longer but there’s still shivering, shaking and swearing.

  46. heidi

    As I read the last part of this post I thought of Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth. Since I read it, I’ve had a few intense transitions handed to me, but whatever I gleaned from his book seemed to carry me through serenely.

  47. sara

    I really needed that last paragraph. I’m 31 weeks pregnant and terrified of the change. Excited, and hopeful, and so so terrified. I really did want everything to stay the same, because I feel in control of now. But it is time for me to surrender, trust, and have faith. Thank you, wise lady.

  48. Tina Hirsig

    I always wish I had a camera in my eye for such moments. But alas, they will only be in our minds. I am a fellow mother of two boys and wanted you to know how much I appreciate the honest and genuine posts about the mother/artist life. I put your link on my blog if that is alright with you. Thought it would be good to add you as a supportive community member to our conversation about collaboration. It might drive more traffic to your wonderful posts!
    Tina Hirsig
    http://www.lauratwotina.com (blog)
    http://www.tinahirsig.com

  49. Elizabeth

    Thank you for your openness….I don’t even know you, but you have inspired me and I just love reading your blog!

  50. Viola

    Priceless photo of Gene and Ben! I love it. I’m looking forward to joining humanity again in a few weeks – thanks for giving a glimpse of what’s ahead, and reminding me that it does get better. It is so difficult to stay in the moment sometimes…
    xoxoV

  51. susan

    the absence of nausea is definitely cause for celebration. Congratulations! May your life continue to unfold with ease and filled with blessings. SJP

  52. Rebecca F.

    I don’t know what is more beautiful. You in your sweet pregnant belly glory or Ben running naked in his glory. How wonderful for each.
    I’ve read your blog for so long. I was around when Ben was still a fervent wish. How much congratulations I still could offer you. How wonderful to be adding a new person to your family…..
    Rebecca.

  53. RookieMom Heather

    Amazing, wonderful, congratulations! Having seen you at the end of your Ben pregnancy, I know you will continue to blossom into a fabulous beauty.

  54. rawqueen

    I think it’s a girl! I felt this way when I was pregnant with my second. Things were so different. I couldn’t work, focus, making plans was emotionally stressing etc. I wish you the best. Being aware, and letting go seem appropriate. It’s all in the letting go, which inevitably and often without effort, is the greatest of all clearings…

  55. rawqueen

    I think it’s a girl! I felt this way when I was pregnant with my second. Things were so different. I couldn’t work, focus, making plans was emotionally stressing etc. I wish you the best. Being aware, and letting go seem appropriate. It’s all in the letting go, which inevitably and often without effort, is the greatest of all clearings…

  56. Leah

    Hey, I have a necklace like that! ; )

  57. Kate

    “I think feeling lost is inevitable when we are in transition, when we are traveling from one place to another, one passage to the next. We want everything to stay the same, but that is not the nature of change. It requires discomfort and wobbliness and not knowing what’s next. Lately, I feel like I have to trust I am being carried. ”
    What a wise woman you are.

  58. Diana Frey

    Much time has passed since my child-bearing years. Now I love on my grand-children as they, too, grow into their own. I remember my first three months with my son and can so appreciate what you are experiencing. No matter what time we are going through in life, your words of having faith and looking at what’s next with anticipation is so so right on. I needed to read that today. Thank you.
    Ta Ta
    Diana

  59. W. Lotus

    Congratulations on your pregnancy! I’m glad you are feeling human, again.

  60. pamela

    Congratulations, you look just as beautiful as you did last time! Due date?

  61. ~~Melissa

    Yay! Congrats! Ben will be a fine big brother. PS: You know you can recover ‘erased’ photos from a memory card. I had success with PC Inspector Smart Recovery (free download). It was intriguing which photos it found — some over a year old. It’s like a random way-back machine. Sorry if this sounds like spam, I swear I’m a real human and reader.

  62. amber

    the last sentence of this post is now posted above my desk. you are now located beside a qhandi quote…..

  63. Daliandable

    hi all my best world !!!

  64. propecia

    wooow! wonderfult article and many thanks

  65. lexapro

    wooow! wonderful article and many thanks

  66. lexapro

    wooow! wonderful article and many thanks

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