Nico got into trouble again yesterday. This time during the after school program when he shouted, “BOOOOORRRING!” while everyone was reading quietly. And then the day before when he left the classroom with 2 other friends to, “feel the air on his face.” The teacher couldn’t find him for a while.
“What was happening when you decided to leave?” I asked.
“I don’t remember,” he replied. And then, “I was so exhausted, I just wanted to lie in the sun.”
Maybe this is it… I think. Chickens coming home to roost. The way Nico is going to act out in protest over the divorce, or the fact that I go out more than usual now, or that I’ve been very shouty lately. I catalog all the things I’ve done wrong, sure that I must be to blame- the one that’s causing this behavior.
The intuitive brought him up in the middle of our last reading. “Does your 5 year old say things that piss people off?”
“All. The. Time.” I replied. “He walked into the kitchen yesterday with his pants down and said, “It’s penis time ladies!”
The intuitive laughed. “He is having a language explosion right now. He’s highly observant. Probably a writer. This is just how he rolls. He will always be challenging for other people, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing at all. It really creates a lot of success for him. It will be his gold when he’s older.”
“So it’s not my fault?!” I wanted to say. Phew!!
When I was pregnant with Nico I had a vivid dream about him. He takes life in fully… was the dream’s message – food, pleasure, all of it. He doesn’t resist life. He guzzles it.
I could tell you more stories, like how the other day in the car he asked: “Mommy, why do people say OMG instead of oh-my-gosh?” And I said something about how it comes from texting culture and how people want to abbreviate things so they don’t have to type so much.
“I like saying oh-em-gee,” he replied. “It makes me feel like a big boy.”
Then he paused.
“Like a first grader.”
ah, the wee ones. I have had the great pleasure of hanging out with my friends’ five and six year olds lately. They are full of life … and questions and REACTIONS. I counseled my friend to try to get her precocious five year old into the dual immersion program. [She got in!] It is the only place I think she won’t be bored… our little ones get a lot more inputs than we did. And as adults we allow them to express themselves more. So in a way we are all to blame, on the other hand look at the latest generation of adults. They are more compassionate, aware, and get things done in their own way. I see bright things in Nico’s future… he’s awesome. And so are you!
“It’s penis time ladies!” OMG. I’m still laughing. You’re doing the best job you can, and maybe that is, like you said before of your blog posts, pretty effing good.
and he likes to lie in the sun. <3
Imagine having to sit still and behave all day and then sit quietly reading in after school – he needs more running and jumping and superhero adventures!
Oh man. I do relate to little Nico. It’s not easy when you dont fit into a box and you’re just being yourself. He sounds like a firecracker and that’s just his wonderful, special nature.
I agree with everyone above and that he is acting out because of the change in your life now. My son might be your age within a few years,and I think he’s still acting out (to me) because of what happened nearly two years ago. And I love “It’s penis time ladies.” And what exactly does that mean to him? I barked a huge laugh and am so grateful I’m so distant from that time in my life!!
I always feel at home when I read your posts…like a part of me wishes we were friends years ago when I was going through some similar issues with my little ones…now they are 25, 22 and 19 and the issues have not gone away they are just different…the acting out- changes, young men and women pulling away, doing things I think I can control…then realize I have none…and I am falling my mother always told me to keep on talking and listening and I have always just taken a big breath and reminded myself…”lead with love…” I am absolutely in love with your little Nico~ his rawness, honesty, humor, intelligence are a testament to YOU~ life is hard…things happen and will continue to happen in our children’s…we need to be gentle with ourselves and know that we are only human ( I had way tooo may “shouting” moments)…but I have always been open and honest about my feelings and have remained the life boat that will help carry them through anything- even my own missteps and mistakes…that is “true” family…you are very lucky- what a gem of a child- xxo
I am so touched by your boy. His life energy and mensch-ness is so awe inspiring. Way to raise an amazing kid, superhero mama! You go girl.
And that penis comment he gave you ladies—the best!
We need more fully self expressed people in the world. He’s one of the gems.
Love him! How cool is it he knows the sun fills us back up and chooses to go out for a refill when he’s exhausted. 🙂
And is it not always “penis time” according to boys no matter what age?
What a sweetie. Love his candor!
I feel like Nico and Stella would be buds. And also cause SO MUCH trouble together.
Oh boy can I relate to all of this! My youngest is 5-1/2 and guess what he does the same thing! He pulls his pants down and yells “party penis, party penis!” I was totally freaked out the first time he did that but now I am hearing it’s a boy thing at this age. He’s a wild thing full of bright and loving questions! He absorbs everything and tries to process it all out loud! My nine year old is processing things in deeper more heart breaking ways, like the beginnings of the loss of innocence in a way. He asks why people fight so much, he gets angry, he cries and is sensitive to adults who disrespect each other. He asks really big questions that really don’t have answers. Aren’t our boys beautiful? I blame myself for all the hard stuff too. I think it’s my fault that I can’t keep it all gentle and lovely and sweet for them but it’s life and we all do the very best we can to muddle through in the most positive way. There are ups and downs and that’s life. We celebrate the good and we hold each other tight in the dark. Sending love. . .
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