fierce

bride.jpg
bride, Canon 300D

Today is one of those days when I feel really angry. About nothing in particular really, lots of things and nothing at all. I can simply feel it all bubbling below the surface… I am Mount St. Helen’s about to erupt.

When I used to paint every day I would do my best work on days like this. I’d go to the canvas like I was going to slash it open and my strokes were bold, confident and sure. I usually wouldn’t even remember painting, and would look at the finished piece and wonder, who the hell did that? The cathartic frenzy is such a gift.

I feel far away from that time now, but I have come to recognize this place for exactly what it is–energy. A fierce energy that I have choices about how to use. Some folks use that energy to lash out at others, or at themselves. {this is very tempting}

I would like to use my fierce energy wisely today.

Does anyone have a story about this to share?

*

Also, The Loft Cube project is fascinating. Maybe when I’m having a bad day I’ll go sit in my Jetson’s loft cube and serve cocktails.

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Hi, I’m Andrea

On this blog you’ll be learning with me how to use our voices, share our creative superpowers and live life in full color.

As an artist, photographer, life coach + mentor, I’m redefining what it means to be a SUPERHERO — ‘cause in my world, it’s got nothing to do with capes, spandex or sidekicks and everything to do with tenderness, intuition & baby steps of bravery.

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16 Comments

  1. chantel

    i’ve always tried to expend my “fierceness” by either running or writing. there’s something so satisfying about pounding into the ground with your feet, and something equally calming about watching words you create appear on the page because YOU said so. with running, you’re too tired to be mad by the time you get back; with writing, you’re emotionally drained after just a few pages of ranting.
    i’ve loved your site forever – keep it up!

  2. crissy

    hi andrea — why not paint? if it’s worked in the past, why not now? or collage — including ripping lots of paper!
    or… go for a brisk walk around the block, not stopping to look at anything (don’t meander), and take an index card and pen(cil) to jot down thoughts that are irking you.
    or… yoga — lion pose is a big one for me when i’m angry. if you don’t know what this is, email me, and i’ll describe.
    there’s no reason why you have to change your mood. if you want to be angry, be angry!

  3. lena

    i usually get lots of shitty work done when i am angry — pay bills, find a new doctor, clean the house, bathe the dog. you wouldn’t believe how clean the house was in january because i was raging all month!

  4. chrissy

    someone smashed in our art car last night. I am an art teacher, and I helped 100 children make an art car over the past year. someone smashed in the headlights, the windshield, the brake lights, the tail lights, broke off the mirrors, smashed off all of the toys and beads and decorations, broke off the bumper. there is an empty shell, and piles of shards of broken glass and kids’ toys. a year’s worth of artwork, love, and positive energy was smashed to bits in probably an hour. people who may never create anything beautiful destroyed the beautiful artwork of children, right next to our playground, right next to our childcare center. i keep wondering, if the people who did this had been given art, and other creative releases, would they have used their anger and their energy to destroy?! or to create?! this cements my decision to be an art therapist, i am proud to be an art teacher, and i pray the people who did this find creative outlets that are positive, not destructive. now i have the horror of trying to explain what happened to their art car to 100 little kids today. i cannot bear it.

  5. jenn

    fantastic entry. I love it. I also find that they best thing to do when I get like this is to be extremly active. I get the best workouts on these days. I take it and get extremly organized and clean. I think anything you are doing as long as it’s positive it okay.

  6. james

    Ok I am mad sometimes too, moreso a few days ago but thatnks for naming that. I am happy though because I think I may have the only painting of Mad Andrea here in my living room…she’s pretty pissed too…I mean it you guys..pissed.

  7. andrea

    Oh chrissy~
    I’m so sorry.
    What they did to your beautiful car, your work
    of art is horrible. I am so sad for you and your kids.
    I would love to know their reaction, if they had any
    interesting insight about it… kids can be so amazing that way.
    I love hearing that you have cemented your choice
    to be an art therapist. Perhaps this was the catalyst.
    thinking of you,
    andrea

  8. whitney

    loftcube is really cool.

  9. shannon

    Anger is serious fuel and an honest (if less than tactful!) friend, I think.
    I’ve observed a pattern in myself that when I have serious crash and burn experiences of anger or creative depression, they are often followed by amazing insights and a whole new perspective on my work.
    It’s as if the anger gives me the boost—the courage and the energy–to challenge myself in the areas of my creativity where I have gone a bit slack or need to reevaluate.
    And although it’s rough while I’m in it, I’m always glad for having gone through it…

  10. Julia

    It used to be, when I had a fierce, angry day… I used to be really sarcastic to those around me and I never realized what a bitch I could be, until a dear friend secretly taped recorded me during a “rant” and played the tape back for me to hear. She did me the biggest favor my doing this. I was appalled how hideous I sounded, and was ashamed at my hurtful outburst. I started to cry, and asked her what she thought I should do, and she said simply, “find a positive creative outlet.” That was the push I needed to really get serious about my drawing and painting. I needed to create something good to take the place of my bad behavior. Now I paint all the time. Whether I’m sad, angry, happy, or frustrated, the emotions all work themselves out on the canvas. It’s been quite a journey…I am beginning to get good reviews on my artwork, and I recently started an art project and workshop to teach painting to developmentally disabled kids. The art has become it’s own reward, and I agree with you…some of my best stuff comes from negative emotions. It’s kind of like I’m channeling someone else, but thus far the end results are so satisfying. Now I have to paint. it’s become my therapy and my passion. I can even joke now, with friends that it’s either I paint…or become a sociopath…

  11. Deanna

    Today, I knew I had a reason to feel what I had inside, but was just waiting for it to appear. My husband left me January 19th, 3 weeks before our 1st wedding anniversary. The details are a bit of a haze, we both thought our relationship was romantic, he’s bipolar, and spends most of his statia in depression, he decided he didn’t want the marriage or the responsiblity of-he moved back to mommie’s basement.
    Enough said, he got a lawyer to draw up a legal seperation document today. I don’t know what the lawyer told him, but I found out today my bank account and credit card have been cancelled, unbeknownced to me.
    I found out because my dear land lord called me asking if it would be OK if ‘he’ was removed from our $900. a month lease that ‘he’ is obligated to pay half until the lease expires at the end of August (and agreed verbally to do so when ‘he’ left). Crash, the reason for my anger now appears and turns into panic, just as I was leaving work @ 6pm and going to class for 3 hrs.
    I was told this weekend we are never in control of our own lives as long as we attach people to it. I have been trying to survive this situation any way I know how, riding the waves of how I have let another person de-construct me. Ahh, the lashing out at me has surfaced.
    Deep down I vow to listen to my gut more, and believe, with every ounce of my soul that this is happening for a reason, and working through all of these hideous feelings has a very big bright light at the end of the tunnel.
    I have to believe this or else I will live each day tearing it down.
    This time, amidst this hurricane of energy I have lost my focus and need to get it back. I have found inspiration in reading your journal, thank you.

  12. bluepoppy

    I agree with Shannon– anger is a powerful tool. A cleanser. We don’t get taught well enough how to deal with it. I used to sublimate anger which resulted in profound depression. My best anger experience ever was writing a 120 pg screenplay after someone pissed me off. I didn’t like feeling that angry but I loved the result! Big hugs to you Andrea, your fierce spirit is wonderful.

  13. Angel

    I did the most amazing yoga class ever Monday night because I was so frustrated with the woman I rent a parking spot from. She was being a bit overbearing and unreasonable and I was extremely frustrated. On top of that my significant other is visiting an ex-girlfriend in Australia and it’s driving me CRAZY! So, I did a beautiful yoga class. I was amazed at the energy I had! I could’ve done another class afterwards! I beamed the whole way home.
    Journaling is another fantastic outlet. Uncensored, unedited, streams of thought. Pouring it all out makes you realize how trivial some things are if you have no control over them. All you can do is control your reactions…then I try to clean.
    Thanks a million for your journal, Andrea – you are my angel.

  14. smallglimpses

    I so enjoy your blog each and every time I stop by. Thanks for your honesty and authenticity. Your beautiful photographic art work is a sweet blessing me.

  15. Jennifer Abromaitis

    I most certainly felt angry and frustrated just a couple of days ago while doing my taxes. The IRS just make it sooo complicated to do them. I wanted to rip my hair out. Anyone even walking in my vicinity would get one look from me and they knew not to come near me.
    Thanks for sharing all your emotions with us and thanks for everyone else sharing their stories too!!

  16. karla

    hi. i always enjoy your blog. your photos. comments.
    thanks for sharing your comments about anger. they are so on the mark for me right now. plus, the other comments here were so great.
    i had one of those light bulb moments reading – that i could use the anger that i feel – instead of allowing it to sink me. that’s what has been happening. sinking.
    i broke up with this guy three weeks ago. although not a serious affair it’s just got me thinking, am i ever going to get beyond these not so great choices? am i ever going to have a good relationship? i think that the anger has turned inward.
    i just need to get out my paint. or journal. or walk.
    thanks.

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