As a pregnant woman, I have become fearful of things I don’t normally think about. I’m afraid of knives, or rather, people holding knives. Even if someone I love and trust is holding the knife (ie. Matt) I will casually make my way out of the room.
Then there are dogs. Big dogs. I am a dog person! and will normally ask the owner if I can pet their dog at any opportunity. I especially love “leaners.” But these days if I see a dog, I immediately cross the street and try not to make eye contact. Or I plan my attack and contemplate how I would take them down if I had to.
And then there are the dreams. Sometimes there are sharks. A few weeks ago it was a mountain lion. I am always trying to protect myself/my baby in these dreams. These dreams feel primal and powerful, like a warrior part of me is rising up. A part of my fierce womanhood I have not known yet.
Oh yeah. And the dreams about Matt leaving me. A few weeks ago I woke up in tears and exclaimed, “You left me in my dream for three wives!” He responded, “Oh honey, I wouldn’t leave you for 8 wives!” and hugged me close.
I have never felt quite so powerful in my life and vulnerable at the same time. I feel precious and sacred, like precious cargo in every vehicle. I also feel very conspicuous, like I could be a target for a variety of bad things. I am the opposite of invisible. I can’t even go to a public restroom without thoughts of kidnappers running through my brain.
Did any of you have this? Does it just get worse when the baby arrives?