ben 4 months, Canon Digital Rebel XTi

Dear Ben,

I miss you even though you’re in the other room.

I steal glimpses of photos of you on my computer while you sleep and my heart melts and leaps and does twirly loop de loops… Maybe I’m missing you in advance because I know you are going to be with a babysitter today and I’m just a wee bit nervous about that.

Okay.
Really nervous.
In fact, you are probably not going to be able to go past the park on the corner. This is so I can check up on you at any moment and make sure you’re okay.

Lately you have been seriously checking out your hands. Down with toys! Up with hands! When you wake up in the morning and I bring you in bed with me, it’s the very first thing we do. We examine your pudgy, white, little starfish hands. They are amazing! We marvel at all of the grabbing and reaching they do and how delicious they are to suck on. Today you kept doing a mini me Dr. Evil thing with your pinkie in your mouth that made me laugh. Do you know how funny you are?

And then you remember your voice! You clear your throat with a few grunts and hmmm… hmmm…. and then off you go! You have a high, sweet, soft voice. You don’t project too much yet, just soft coos and shouts that sound sometimes like “Hi!”

Did I mention how cute you are?
This part is simply ridiculous.
You are the cutest baby I have ever seen. Not that I’m biased.
But seriously, you are so cute that people always stop and look at you. Like that lady yesterday in the post office from New Jersey.

Lady: Oh my GAWD Frank. Take a look at this.
Frank: What?
Lady: Take a look at this baby. OH MY GAWD… How old is he? 4 or 5 months?
Me: 4 and a half months, yes.
Lady: Oh my gawd Frank.. Do you see this?
Frank: Yes, I see. You’re never going to see that baby again Helen.
Lady: Look at him smile Frank… Do you see?
Frank: Yeah, yeah. I see. You’re never going to see that baby again, do you know that?

There is so much I want to tell you… about the way you laugh when we sing you that song that daddy made up, or how much you love going to mom and baby yoga and how you follow the teacher around with your eyes so you can get her attention and give her flirty smiles.

Should I tell you that you love the world so much that you want to be awake all the time? or should I mention that you are a big fan of the ladies and smile at every girl that passes you by? (the dudes pique your interest but you are very suspicious and you stare them down for a long, long time…) Maybe I should mention that even though you’re not much for sleep you are always mellow and smiley and sweet as can be. I think it’s safe to say you have charisma. Really, you do.

Sigh.

Anyway, Ben, there is so much to tell you I don’t even know where to begin. I want to tell you about how much we wanted you, how we dreamed about you for so many years and tried everything we could think of to bring you into the world. I want to tell you about Dr. Rinaudo and his italian accent and how he said, “I feel very optimistic for you” and how that gave us exactly the right amount of hope we needed to keep going when things were so hard for so long. I want to tell you that you are our perfect boy who came at exactly the right time.

Every time we see your face all we can say is Thank you thank you thank you…