hot hot hot

Ben, Berkeley, CA, 14 months, Canon Digital Rebel Xti

Dear Ben,

It was a doozie of a day I tell ya. You were flushed with fever all weekend, all hot and subdued. We called you the sub-dude for kicks. It was a little scary, particularly when I was holding you on my hip, spooning some yogurt into your mouth and suddenly you fell back in my arms and went all crazy eyes and non-responsive for several seconds. A febrile seizure is what the doctor said it was. So scary for me and dada.

And then today you were even hotter.. and acting very strange and spacey and like a limp little doll in my arms. You had another convulsion, one that lasted several very long seconds and then you were back and spaced out again. By this time I was crying and hyperventilating and called 911. I was so scared… but you were okay, very hot but okay. We spent the rest of the day trying to cool you off.


You are in bed right now. It is nighttime and I am hoping that your fever breaks soon. It occurs to me as I write this that I am one of many moms praying right now, a powerful chorus of us, all praying for healing to come. It must be quite a thing to behold, to hear such a sound, in the place where prayers are heard.

The great news is that you are walking like such a champ! and have been perfecting your technique over the last month. You started with the drunken sailor method (very charming I may add) and have slowly gotten more steady and less waddly. You still have a very wide-legged stance, which I think is very smart since it gives you a nice solid foundation. You are an official toddler now. You toddle wherever you go.

We also made our first breakthrough in the chewing department recently. I brought home a roasted chicken from the grocery store and you stared at it with huge, disbelieving eyes. If eyes could salivate, yours surely would have been. The babysitter and I commented on how sad it was; you so clearly wanted to eat that chicken but there was no way you’d be able to chew such a thing. Then it hit me. I took a bite and chewed it up myself, then put it in your mouth. You ate it effortlessly. You were so excited that we did this many more times until you had eaten a good portion of the chicken and your belly was ginormous. You were practically biting my fingers to get to it. My little bird!

Since then, you have been chewing crackers, those puffy cereal things and the occasional cut up piece of fruit. This is serious progress. It will be so nice to not have to feed you from a jar all the time.

You are also collecting a number of words you like to say:
Uh oh.
Wow… (say it like Jeff Spicoli) This comes out when we put on the itunes visualizer.
Wow wow (for dog)
mama (for food)
No no no. (with head shaking back and forth)
no no no

You also have a couple of signs under your belt. You are starting to get the sign for “more” and then you’ve made up a few of your own. When you want to hear your Music Together cd, you point at the stereo and flap your arms up and down. Not officially an ASL sign but totally works. I understand you little dude.

And after waving my hand at the stove and saying, “Hot hot hot!” several times, you started signing hot for everything I tell you not to touch. The toilet? Hot. The diaper pail? Hot. The garbage? Hot hot hot. It’s going to be a little confusing when you discover that the toilet and the computer keyboard aren’t actually hot, but whatever, you are so excited to tell me about all the things you’re not allowed to touch! It is so sweet Ben.

I find myself getting teary as I write this.

I think today took more out of me than I thought… now that you are sound asleep I can let go a bit, let the floodgates open and feel the tears come through.

My beautiful boy. You were so hot hot hot today. I will look it up, but I’m not sure there is a sign that can express how much I love you. It might end up looking more like an interpretive dance.

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Hi, I’m Andrea

On this blog you’ll be learning with me how to use our voices, share our creative superpowers and live life in full color.

As an artist, photographer, life coach + mentor, I’m redefining what it means to be a SUPERHERO — ‘cause in my world, it’s got nothing to do with capes, spandex or sidekicks and everything to do with tenderness, intuition & baby steps of bravery.


1 Comment

  1. oprol evorter

    Hello, you used to write magnificent, but the last several posts have been kinda boringK I miss your tremendous writings. Past several posts are just a bit out of track! come on!


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