These past few months have been full of growing pains. Ever since Squam really (where I was cracked open completely) I have been trying to put myself back together again. I knew what happened was big, but I wasn’t sure where to put that experience or what story to tell about it.
I still don’t know for sure. What I do know is that a new layer of vulnerability has opened up in me and my guess is that is a good thing, however uncomfortable it may feel. My hope is that I am carving out space for better, deeper and truer connection. This is the good news. The bad news is that it is painful! and not at all what I signed up for and my ego feels a bit crabby about it all.
Last week I spent a day with Kelly Rae on the eve of her moving to Seattle. We had a sweet girly afternoon shopping, having lunch and taking photos of each other on a street corner while men in trucks rolled by and whistled. It was fun and we laughed a lot… and while we ate lunch and she asked me how I was really doing, the tears rolled and tumbled and I couldn’t catch them fast enough and pretty soon i was crying in the middle of that pretty outdoor cafe and hoping nobody noticed. She held my words so gently that I felt sure a new layer of healing had happened right there on the spot. (thank you kelly)
Kelly: Don’t you love her stuff?
Me: She is one my all time favorites! Do you know she is local? I’ve met her several times over the years and she is lovely.
Me: You know what’s weird? Last week I found one of her mugs on the street, in perfect shape, just sitting in the middle of the sidewalk. It had a little tree on it and the word “Grow.” I took it home of course.
Kelly: And… it didn’t occur to you that it was a message from the universe?!!
Me: (smiling) Oh yeah…
Growing can often sneak up on you. You may not feel like it and it may seem like terrible timing and it might be against your will and it can be messy and vulerable, but the universe insists on it anyway. I’m noticing that the more I can trust that all of this opening up is creating space for more joy and richness, the more I can accept it with more grace and gratitude.
Where are you growing in your life right now?