Love is such a deep, rich topic and it came up a lot during my time in nyc. One thing I was reminded of is that love is not a linear process. Despite what our culture and movies and teach us, it is not a boy meets girl then lives happily ever after kind of thing. Or sometimes it is, then it changes and the real work starts, the kind that doesn’t make good tv. Real love includes all of it and if you get four ladies in a room to talk about love, you will see that no one is better off than the other or farther along on some fictional timeline. We are actually standing in a circle, growing in different ways, all learning the same things in the end: how to love ourselves and others better and better.
This happens when we are not in a relationship, when we are longing for a partner and wondering if they will ever come. This happens when we are 20 years in and wondering if we made the right choices or if we made too many mistakes. This happens when we seem to have it all and wonder if the other shoe is going to drop.
Wherever you are in love, I want to be that whisper, that antidote to the Am I doing it right? Did I blow it? Will it ever happen for me? and say, Where you are is good. Start here. It’s imperfect and it always will be. It will be fierce and ordinary and torn and mended again. We will circle back and start once more. The goal is not some happily ever after, but a happily ever now.
I think the Buddhists have it right when they say that everything, suffering and joy alike, exist only in the moment. I suspect that in every moment there is the opportunity for love. Look around. Love is there. All over.