Create what you most need to find… I’ve come back to this thought so many times and see it’s truth revealed over and over. I can see now that this is what happened when I was going through those years of infertility. I felt alone and afraid and deeply wanted the comfort of other women and their stories. When I started blogging about my journey (miscarriage and then struggles around pregnancy later) I thought I was offering up a gift to my community, a gift to other women who might be going through the same thing. This was true, yes. But like with any real gift, we often receive even more than we could have imagined, just in the giving of it. The outpouring of love, support, prayers, wisdom and kindness I got was what carried me more gracefully through that painful time.
Create what you most need to find… I’ve been needing to find rest rest for a long time. Or rather, I’ve been practicing rest (and failing at it too), which is to say, I am wanting to feel like enough even when I’m standing still.
I’ve gone on media cleanses, joined my public library, gave myself permission to not go out on the town even when I’m afraid to miss out. I’ve taken the leap of winding down my jewelry business and made a big clearing so that I could tend my family, my home, and this exhausted body of mine. And still, even now, even today, I go to so and so’s web site and see this person’s book and that person’s speaking at a conference and look how often she blogs and tweets and how does she do it? and I am right back in that old groove of not enough. The difference now is that I notice more quickly when it’s happening.
This pregnancy has been humbling and my teacher in lots of ways. I wasn’t sick with Ben but this kid is taking me on a wild ride. I’ve fallen off the map in nearly every way, still spending entire days in bed (yesterday happened to be one of them!) where I have to surrender to the demands of my body. Even in this so called energetic second trimester I have bouts of low blood pressure which cause a curious mix of dizziness, fatigue and nausea. I have to take each day for what it is, each moment really, and surrender to it even when I have bigger plans. This is very hard on my ego! (so is the extra 20 pounds I am already carrying! 🙂
I know from the creative process that there are times to “fill the well” and times to create. Too much of either will have you overflowing or wrung dry. The trick I suppose is to be in some kind of balance… This is true for the creative process of manifesting a dream as well. We need cycles of rest, time to leave the land fallow before planting new seeds.
Create what you most need to find. That is how Dream Lab was born! When we asked ourselves what class we most needed to take the answer was obvious– We needed a summer! We needed to learn how to play, to rest and to be kind to ourselves. As we thought about it more, we realized that these are key ingredients to manifesting dreams but they were glaring holes in our curriculum. How could we have missed that? Jen and I asked each other. Turns out we’re terrible at those things!
So we’ll be learning right alongside you.
This is the thought that inspires me to no end: What would happen if we set aside our lists (our goals, our drive, struggle) for eight weeks? What would shift in our lives as a result of radical acts of play? of kindness? of rest? What would this clearing create space for in our hearts and in our lives?
I can’t wait to find out.
Will you join me? Doing this in community will be all the more powerful and exciting. Oh, and we will be led on secret missions each week by some truly fabulous mavens of kindness and play. (Amy Krouse Rosenthal, Tracey Clark, Andrea Jenkins, Patience Salgado and Katherine Center.
Congratulations and Blessing on your growing baby boy!
Sending Love and wishes for cool,comfortable,Rest
Well written post Andrea. I cannot wait to join you for the Dream Lab!
What a beautiful dress!
I look forward to hearing how you become more kind to yourself… and to being a part of the Dream Lab, where I may do the same.
YAY! I will be there!
Be well Andrea and try to surrender to the experience….which is never easy.
Looking forward to the Dream Lab!
Well. This just made radical acts of rest seem like the most importantthing ever. After 28 days on the road, days of amzing and yet exhausting travels with our set of boys, a big clean up due tomorrow and then the last stretch of road home, well. I am already in but now I know why.
I had three months of enforced bed rest with the boys. It was the hardest thing I had ever done in that time in my life. I felt so useless in so many ways. But it gave me the shining part of my life. It was worth every moment. As I know this dream lab will be.
So glad that the sea change in your life shall bring one to mine. xo. Amiee
Are we the same person? Almost 30 weeks along with my second boy and experiencing so much of what you write about. I’m not very good at letting myself off the hook. It seems I can always find some way to “drive” on myself. Thanks for your gentle reminders and inspiration to do less. And that it’s ok.
Andrea, your timing with this question was absolutely extraordinary! I’ve already signed up for the Dream Lab with some fellow Mondo Beyondo pals but have just emerged from some fairly intense emotional clearing, feeling flaccid and uninspired.
Through pondering your questions I realise that fun, play and colour are what’s missing from my life as a friend, a mother, a colleague, a creative soul. I am SO looking forward to inviting more of these delicious and inspiring ways of being into my life once more!
I love that amazing, gorgeous, happy photo. I think you are the best kind of superhero, totally real.
You know i’ve been grappling with myself about what I most need at the moment. You have helped me to tap into some questions that need attention.
Ever since you announced the dream lab I’ve been wanting to sign up but haven’t been able to bring myself to do it. Finally today, reading this post, I understand that it’s not the right time for me. I hope it will be a regular event, because I totally want to play and rest with you guys. Sometime.
I so feel for you Andrea, my pregnancy with Dharma was a lot like that. I am glad to hear you are listening to your body and not forcing yourself through.
And I cannot wait for DreamLab… because indeed what can happen when we do this? I cannot wait to find out.
I am just so glad Andrea that you write and you post… because this superhero journal here housing your words, ideas, and questions set me at ease. You ask really good questions lady, important ones and I like that. Keep on keepin’ on . . . .
Your posts are always so incredibly delicious and far often inspiring. Even when you haven’t blogged in DAYS, I’m just glad you blog at all!!
Yes, please, take care of yourself and your family and growing baby. 20 pounds? NOTHING to bring a life into the world.
Andrea, this post came at the right time. I’m still on this infertility journey and I am so tired. It’s been a year and almost a half, but in my mind, it’s been longer. I have been feeling the need to give up and move on from this. But I cannot reconcile my wants of being a mom to giving up. Thanks for the post. I think I need to do some clearing.
I, too, am having low blood pressure with my pregnancy (now 18.5 weeks)…but mine is coupled with low blood sugar as well.
Good luck resting up – and PLAYING!
Also congrats on another little boy – what a great gift for Ben to have a brother! We aren’t finding out what we’re having, but I feel like it will be a boy. Guess we’ll see!
i wonder if this sweet little baby boy of yours growing in your precious womb is smiling deep because his mama is hearing his whispers. gently guiding you to rest more, play more, take deeper breaths and be still.
are you growing a little Buddha in there? ; )
a few months into being cedar’s mother, i had a huge wave of not feeling enough as all of my friends and those i admired moved forward with their goals, faster, more fiercely and i was in a place of needing to stand still and learn how to mother my child consciously and intuitively. all of my energy needed to be here at home, nourishing our bodies, minds and souls. there was so much i needed to do, to get done, to accomplish but if i wanted to live in the present, i had to create a balance with it all and do my soul work on my priorities.
it took time but i now walk more softly with it. media breaks were a huge source of help. so were connecting with those that have walked in my shoes much longer than i have. now, i can celebrate from a distance and move at my own pace and let go of any expectations of what others may expect of me or even what i may expect of myself.
with my personality type, i feel a lot happier and more centered walking softly and mindfully and being more still.
so, this post really spoke to me today and i wanted to let you know that.
Any chance you’ll do a giveaway for an entry into the Dream Lab? I know some other sites do that. We just moved and are trying to find work, so I can’t spend extra money right now. I thought though if you were going to do a giveaway, I would be sure to enter and try to get in there!
I’m in, just signed in 🙂
I enjoyed the Mondo Beyondo class in January so much, and must say that it changed and still changes my life, step by step.
Looking forward to the Dream Lab, will try to keep up (i’m on holidays in between..).
Thank you, Andrea and Jen for organizing.
Three time Mom checking into say the best cure for the low blood pressure (I found) was to stay hydrated: lots of water, fruit, popsicles and jello. I feel for you, it’s hard when your body works against your brain- but in the end your body sometimes knows best and now is the time for resting. Just think of all the wonderful things you can dream while looking up at a big blue sky!
Hello! Ever so happy to make your acquaintance. Although I am SO much older, being in my dotage and all, I have much in common with you…5 years of infertility, two second trimester miscarriages, toxemia, and two grown adult children now. Yes, give yourself permission to do this big work of yours, this new person you are bringing into your wonderful world. I was extremely sick with all my pregnancies. I clearly remember seeing the OB, telling her how I vomited all day, all night long and she said the good news is it usually only last 12 weeks. I looked her right in the eyes and said, You don’t understand. I am not going to live that long. And it lasted through birthing.
You are De-Lovely! I am so happy to have landed here on your blog. Rest. You have a big work to do. **blows kisses** Deb
This is completely beside the point but I love love love the boots…where did you get them . Much love from NZ xxx