Create what you most need to find… I’ve come back to this thought so many times and see it’s truth revealed over and over. I can see now that this is what happened when I was going through those years of infertility. I felt alone and afraid and deeply wanted the comfort of other women and their stories. When I started blogging about my journey (miscarriage and then struggles around pregnancy later) I thought I was offering up a gift to my community, a gift to other women who might be going through the same thing. This was true, yes. But like with any real gift, we often receive even more than we could have imagined, just in the giving of it. The outpouring of love, support, prayers, wisdom and kindness I got was what carried me more gracefully through that painful time.
Create what you most need to find… I’ve been needing to find rest rest for a long time. Or rather, I’ve been practicing rest (and failing at it too), which is to say, I am wanting to feel like enough even when I’m standing still.
I’ve gone on media cleanses, joined my public library, gave myself permission to not go out on the town even when I’m afraid to miss out. I’ve taken the leap of winding down my jewelry business and made a big clearing so that I could tend my family, my home, and this exhausted body of mine. And still, even now, even today, I go to so and so’s web site and see this person’s book and that person’s speaking at a conference and look how often she blogs and tweets and how does she do it? and I am right back in that old groove of not enough. The difference now is that I notice more quickly when it’s happening.
This pregnancy has been humbling and my teacher in lots of ways. I wasn’t sick with Ben but this kid is taking me on a wild ride. I’ve fallen off the map in nearly every way, still spending entire days in bed (yesterday happened to be one of them!) where I have to surrender to the demands of my body. Even in this so called energetic second trimester I have bouts of low blood pressure which cause a curious mix of dizziness, fatigue and nausea. I have to take each day for what it is, each moment really, and surrender to it even when I have bigger plans. This is very hard on my ego! (so is the extra 20 pounds I am already carrying! 🙂
I know from the creative process that there are times to “fill the well” and times to create. Too much of either will have you overflowing or wrung dry. The trick I suppose is to be in some kind of balance… This is true for the creative process of manifesting a dream as well. We need cycles of rest, time to leave the land fallow before planting new seeds.
Create what you most need to find. That is how Dream Lab was born! When we asked ourselves what class we most needed to take the answer was obvious– We needed a summer! We needed to learn how to play, to rest and to be kind to ourselves. As we thought about it more, we realized that these are key ingredients to manifesting dreams but they were glaring holes in our curriculum. How could we have missed that? Jen and I asked each other. Turns out we’re terrible at those things!
So we’ll be learning right alongside you.
This is the thought that inspires me to no end: What would happen if we set aside our lists (our goals, our drive, struggle) for eight weeks? What would shift in our lives as a result of radical acts of play? of kindness? of rest? What would this clearing create space for in our hearts and in our lives?
I can’t wait to find out.
Will you join me? Doing this in community will be all the more powerful and exciting. Oh, and we will be led on secret missions each week by some truly fabulous mavens of kindness and play. (Amy Krouse Rosenthal, Tracey Clark, Andrea Jenkins, Patience Salgado and Katherine Center.