I went to Jazzercise with a friend last week. When she asked me, I thought about the last time I did it – circa 1982 – and the fond memories of doing the grapevine across the floor of a grange hall in Santa Cruz. But all these years later, I was nervous. It was a relief to notice that almost everyone in the room was much older than me (phew!) but of course, that did not stop them. They were whooping and moving so fast, I could hardly keep up! I felt awkward and out of place. I didn’t know the steps, I was sweating way too much. I forgot to bring water. My out-of-shape body wouldn’t comply. I just wanted to hide, or quit.
But here’s what happened next.
I noticed a trans woman in the middle of the room. She was wearing a full on Jane Fonda style Jazzercise outfit – complete with a leotard, headband, leg warmers and jazz shoes. She looked ah-mazing! And I thought, Dang! If she can be that brave, I think I can handle fumbling around a little bit in this church…
This has everything to do with whatever brave adventure you are on. Maybe you are trying to find love. Maybe you are getting your creative voice out there. Maybe you are a new parent or searching for a job that aligns better with your spirit.
It’s scary to put ourselves out there.
It’s frustrating to look around when it seems everyone else has figured it out and we haven’t.
It’s hard to fumble about and not know the moves.
It takes courage to do new things.
As I usher a group of amazing women through my Conscious Dating course, I can feel the edges and resistance – theirs and my own.
This note is a little love letter to that scared part of you. The one that feels like the whole world is watching. That is afraid to be visible. That is afraid you don’t belong. That you’re somehow doing it wrong and everyone else is in perfect step…
And when we practice courage in one area of our life, we can use those stronger muscles in areas that matter even more to us. We increase our capacity to be uncomfortable, to be a beginner, to look a little silly and off key.
You have me crying again….just what I needed to day…to be kinder to myself in this time of my life….thank you for once again cracking open raw real feelings that make us all feel like we are no longer alone…even when parts of ourselves are saying differently…xxo
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