When I started my coaching training back in 2006, they presented us with the learning cycle you see above. Basically, you start off not knowing everything you don’t know. (You know that saying, I thought I was a pretty good parent until I had kids? Kind of like that)
As you learn more about a subject, you become aware of everything you don’t know about it. This is when it becomes SO much more interesting! or frustrating as the case may be. We can be painfully aware of what we don’t know.
The good news is that if we keep going, we start achieving some mastery and competence… and then finally move into the zone where we aren’t even aware of all we know – it’s just second nature!
I’ve been thinking about this in regard to relationships lately.
I’m learning to stay aligned with my highest vision for relationship.
I’m learning to say no to what isn’t in line with that vision.
I’m learning to name feelings that I would normally have called “attraction” to naming them activation… which means that my nervous system is activated by this person. (It doesn’t mean this person is right for me. It might mean they are simply lighting up my wounded parts because they feel familiar.) I am learning to move more slowly and be more discerning.
I’m learning to make choices from the most grown up, self-loving part of me… the part of me that knows that I’m lovable, amazing and worthy of being adored.
That all sounds good, right? Except for the humbling process of now being aware of all the ways I can still betray myself! When I didn’t know (unconscious incompetence) I didn’t have to take responsibility. I could blame others. I could make up stories like, all the good ones are taken. That sort of thing. As I move along the learning cycle, I am finding my power. I am taking responsibility in a new way. And I am willing to be uncomfortable to be in the process because I know I am trucking along that curve!
This applies to any growing edge we are exploring in our lives – setting boundaries, being mindful, looking at our money.
What is your learning/growing edge these days?
It can feel like things get worse before they get better – mostly because we are finally aware of what we are learning. (My mentor and friend SARK calls this The Messy Middle) But here’s the good news: If you are experiencing the humbling discomfort of learning, it means you’re in the game. You’re in the arena. You’re doing the work. And I am here to high-five you today. Because it takes courage to do the work.
And did I mention you’re not alone? You are most definitely, not alone.