There is a kiss
we want
with our whole lives. -Rumi
I’ve been thinking lately about our knowing. That deep, divine kind of knowing. The kind where our body tingles or we get goosebumps. The kind where we JUST KNOW and we can’t un-know it anymore. The kind that speaks to us in dreams. The kind that whispers at first and then gets really loud.
I’ve been thinking about how long we can go on ignoring our own truth.
For me, for many, until our body begins aching, speaking to us through pain, panic, anxiety.
A friend once said to me, “Try this on Andrea. Is it possible that what’s best for you is actually the best for everyone else? Even if they don’t like it? Even if they get mad? I want you to experiment with this. Practice telling your truth: I can’t make it. That doesn’t feel like a fit for me. This is what I want. And trust that what is authentically true for you is ultimately best for everyone.”
This was in the midst of separation from my husband.
It was the most excruciating chapter of my life. Unbearable at times. There were moments when I literally had to chant to myself, “You told the truth and you didn’t die. You’re not dead. You survived it…”
The terror of speaking the truth can feel so big. I was afraid my truth would kill him. Or me.
I spoke my truth imperfectly. A bit late. As best I could. It hurt.
The lessons are wide and deep and ongoing. My love for Matt grew and changed unexpected ways.
But today I am present to the deep knowing that I am finally beginning to honor in myself. The divine kind of knowing. The part of me that, without all the fear of troubling waters, is now crystal clear.
There is a kiss we want with our whole lives.
There is a kiss I wanted with my whole life.
And it wasn’t the kind of kiss you get from a lover.
It was the kiss from Spirit.
From Myself.
It’s the kiss of living my life’s true call.
It’s the kiss of my own heart.
It’s the kiss of joy.
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I love this post so much as well as the previous one. Something is really shifting deep inside of you and I’m excited to see what other beautiful things will show up for you!!! Thank you for sharing your journey. Sending hugs and love!
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