This might sound like an unlikely love note, but hear me out. I’ve been in a new, blossoming love relationship. It’s rainbows + hearts and all the delicious things! And, as is inevitable, we’ve also recently stumbled into a patch of real. That crunchy place where two people come together to do their soul work. That moment when you realize, oh right, there is some healing we can do together here. Crap. I mean yay!
That moment when attachment styles get triggered – one pulls away, the other gets scared and reactive. Preferences don’t align. Wounds collide and call us forth to be higher versions of ourselves. It can be painful.
My own work is a lot about using my voice and speaking my truth, even when I wish my truth was different. I want to be easy. I don’t want to be too much for someone else, or god forbid, NEEDY. For me, having needs is soooooo vulnerable… to be perceived as weak or a pain in the ass is totally mortifying. Plus, I am afraid that once someone sees what an anxious pain in the butt I am, they will run for the hills. Can you relate?
As I shared this with a friend this morning, she said, “But wait, is HE easy?” I thought for a moment. “No!” I said with glee. “He’s not!” And you still love him, right?” she pressed. Now I was getting it. “Everyone’s kind of a pain in the ass!” I exclaimed.
We are all complex creatures – messy and beautiful and wounded and powerful and brilliant. All at the same time. We are not easy and that’s okay. We don’t have to be easy to be loved. We don’t have to pretend we’re strong when we’re not. Having needs and being needy are not the same thing. We can allow our real selves to be seen. #the100dayproject