After several dates recently with a very lovely man, we decided there was no chemistry. Which was a bummer. But here’s the thing, the conversation was so refreshing! It went something like this:
Me: “I know! Me too! I’ve been wondering the same thing. I don’t think we do.”
Him: “Yeah, me neither. It’s so mysterious though! I see your beauty. I see your brilliance. I feel such a heart connection to you.”
Me: “Exactly! I keep waiting for it to kick in.”
I’m grateful to be having conversations like this. Honest and kind. No dodging or ghosting.
And… I still felt tender afterwards.
It was a minor unwinding. We had only had four dates. I wasn’t super sad about him exactly, but the fearful thoughts still crept in. Was it me? Is there something wrong with me? Am I not pretty enough? Am I ever going to find my person? Am I going to be alone forever?
The next day, I decided to visit a friend who lives near the beach so I could clear my head. At one point, I took a walk by myself to collect stones. As I walked, I heard something in the distance. I turned around and saw two girls, about 16 years old, shouting in my direction. I cupped my hand to my ear and shouted back, What?
“You’re so pretty!” They said again.
It startled me. I wondered if they were talking to someone else. But I was the only one there! I put my hand on my heart and said, “Oh my goodness, thank you!” genuinely surprised at their kindness. I was a little speechless after that.
The timing was unmistakable. This is not something that has ever happened to me. And yet, at a moment when I most needed it…there it was.
It felt sacred. Divine even. These totally cool surfer girls feeling moved to shout at a middle aged lady walking along the beach.
It was a little balm to my heart. A reminder that everything would be alright. That I would find love. That I’m good enough to find love. Their kindness reminded me to keep my heart open.
And I’m thinking about this right now, inside of a world that is weary and grieving and afraid. I’m thinking about this inside of a long season of collective anxiety and worry and loss. I’m thinking about what it is to keep our hearts open. I’m thinking about how small moments of kindness really do make a difference.
If you are in the Bay Area, I want to invite you to an IN PERSON book event coming up! The folks at Happy Women Dinners invited me to do a brunch event on Sunday, March 20th from noon -2pm. Price includes a copy of my book and a delicious meal. It will be intimate and fun. I’m so excited! Just email firstname.lastname@example.org to register.