There is a kiss
with our whole lives. -Rumi
Dear sweet superheroes,
It’s been a long time and I’ve missed you. My life has felt so private over the last couple of years it’s been hard to share in this space. But I’ve missed you and missed feeling connected to this community so here I am with a special message for you.
I’ve been thinking lately about our knowing. That deep, divine kind of knowing. The kind where our body tingles or we get goosebumps. The kind where we JUST KNOW and we can’t un-know it anymore. The kind that speaks to us in dreams. The kind that whispers at first and then gets really loud.
I’ve been thinking about how long we can go ignoring our own truth.
Until our body begins aching, speaking to us through pain, panic, anxiety.
A friend said to me recently, “Try this on Andrea. Is it possible that what’s best for you is actually the best for everyone else? even if they don’t like it? even if they get mad? I want you to experiment with this. Practice telling your truth: I can’t make it. That doesn’t feel like a fit for me. This is what I want. And trust that what is authentically true for you is ultimately best for everyone.”
Matt and I separated last fall.
It was the most excruciating chapter of my life. Unbearable at times. There were moments when I literally had to chant to myself, “You told the truth and you didn’t die. You’re not dead. You survived it…” The terror of speaking the truth can feel so big. I was afraid my truth would kill him. Or me.
I spoke my truth imperfectly. A bit late. As best I could. It hurt.
The lessons are wide and deep and ongoing. My love for Matt is growing and changing in unexpected ways. There are so many stories I could tell you.
But today I am present to the deep knowing I am finally beginning to honor in myself. The divine kind of knowing. The part of me (that without all the fear of troubling waters) is crystal clear.
There is a kiss we want with our whole lives.
There is a kiss I wanted with my whole life.
And it wasn’t the kind of kiss you get from a lover.
It was the kiss from Spirit.
It’s the kiss of living my life’s true call.
It’s the kiss of my own heart.
It’s the kiss of joy.