There is a kiss
with our whole lives. -Rumi
Dear sweet superheroes,
It’s been a long time and I’ve missed you. My life has felt so private over the last couple of years it’s been hard to share in this space. But I’ve missed you and missed feeling connected to this community so here I am with a special message for you.
I’ve been thinking lately about our knowing. That deep, divine kind of knowing. The kind where our body tingles or we get goosebumps. The kind where we JUST KNOW and we can’t un-know it anymore. The kind that speaks to us in dreams. The kind that whispers at first and then gets really loud.
I’ve been thinking about how long we can go ignoring our own truth.
Until our body begins aching, speaking to us through pain, panic, anxiety.
A friend said to me recently, “Try this on Andrea. Is it possible that what’s best for you is actually the best for everyone else? even if they don’t like it? even if they get mad? I want you to experiment with this. Practice telling your truth: I can’t make it. That doesn’t feel like a fit for me. This is what I want. And trust that what is authentically true for you is ultimately best for everyone.”
Matt and I separated last fall.
It was the most excruciating chapter of my life. Unbearable at times. There were moments when I literally had to chant to myself, “You told the truth and you didn’t die. You’re not dead. You survived it…” The terror of speaking the truth can feel so big. I was afraid my truth would kill him. Or me.
I spoke my truth imperfectly. A bit late. As best I could. It hurt.
The lessons are wide and deep and ongoing. My love for Matt is growing and changing in unexpected ways. There are so many stories I could tell you.
But today I am present to the deep knowing I am finally beginning to honor in myself. The divine kind of knowing. The part of me (that without all the fear of troubling waters) is crystal clear.
There is a kiss we want with our whole lives.
There is a kiss I wanted with my whole life.
And it wasn’t the kind of kiss you get from a lover.
It was the kiss from Spirit.
It’s the kiss of living my life’s true call.
It’s the kiss of my own heart.
It’s the kiss of joy.
Amen, my dear Andrea. Amen.
This speaks so clearly to me in many different ways, beautifully articulating some of what I have been struggling to lately. Thank you. XX
Wishing you peace and joy and that spirit kiss every day!
Hugs & Whole Life Kisses to you Andrea in being your truth, speaking your truth even when it hurts or sucks or makes you squiggle a bit. You are on a holy path. Thanks for trusting us & sharing part of your journey!
beautifully said. It can be paralyzing to speak our truth, yet we need to say it so that we give ourselves the freedom to find ourselves. It will hurt like hell, but the hurt will not stay forever. I honor the path you are traveling and adore your brave heart. xoxox
You will rise inside of your truth. Your light will never fade, it’s too bright, too infectious. Thank you for sharing that we can still be brave in our most fearful moments.
Oh, sweet one. I so appreciate you and what you’ve shared. And, it was done just when you needed to. I needed to see and hear this today. I’ve made the decision to leave my job in a couple of months to follow my dream about my art. Your whispers about a kiss we want for our whole lives is exactly what I’m choosing to follow. You are brave and my hero!
Andrea, that was a beautiful share. Your words are eloquent and so very very true. We would never have known that you have been walking this narrow path of truth and what it asked of you. Ouch and bless you. I also believe that what is true for you is the highest good for all even when it doesn’t look that way on the surface or in the moment. Brave woman. I look forward to watching the unfolding as you step more fulling into what is calling you forward. Much love. Joelle
Courageous, beautiful, powerful, heartful words here. Thank you for speaking them. They’re so trustworthy — let them show you the way. They will. xoxoxo
Andrea, that was a beautiful share. Your words are eloquent and so very very true. We would never have known that you have been walking this narrow path of truth and what it asked of you. Ouch and bless you. I also believe that what is true for you is the highest good for all even when it doesn’t look that way on the surface or in the moment. Brave woman. I look forward to watching the unfolding as you step more fulling into what is calling you forward. Muchy love. Joelle
So brave, Andrea. This reminds so much of my struggle separating from my husband ten years ago….and now it resonates in new ways too…thank you for the courageous sharing…so heartwarming and inspiring…
So proud of you I could burst. You are cradled in love.
Oh Andrea. Thanks so much for being brave and for being you. Your blog has inspired me so much over the last ten years but never more than now. Thank you for sharing a painful truth, for being vulnerable and courageous. Your bravery will be rewarded by the universe in ways that you can’t even imagine right now. Hang in there and soak up the love. Xxx
Your courage always inspires me. You are LOVED.
Sending you hugs, kisses and rainbow fairy dust as you journey through this painful part of your life. And thank you so much for being so big and brave and open with sharing.
“It was the most excruciating chapter of my life. Unbearable at times. There were moments when I literally had to chant to myself, “You told the truth and you didn’t die. You’re not dead. You survived it…” The terror of speaking the truth can feel so big. I was afraid my truth would kill him. Or me.”
Oh boy did that resonate with me. I’ve lived that, too. That was my scorched Earth moment, the turning point when everything changed for better or worse.
Everything that happened after that has been tinted with the knowing that this is real and true because I did, finally, tell my truth. So, so glad you were able to tell yours, too.
thank you for sharing your heart –
thank you for all the amazing
the possibility and hope
thank you for Being
love & love,
proud of you andrea. this is tough stuff and takes so much courage. i told the truth 1.5 years ago and what has unfolded has brought me my truest self. godspeed fellow traveller. xoxo
I always find brave and beautiful words here. Thank you for sharing this tender spot of your journey. Know you are loved. xo
There is beauty in the journey and in following your truth, no matter how painful or difficult it is. You are both beautiful and amazing people and to be able to see into the evolution of your relationship and life is a privilege. Thank you for always sharing your heart.
I wondered (after viewing a few of your Instagram posts) if you were living a defining moment. It’s definitely hard and life altering and I wish you the best.
Life is BIG, Andrea, especially when we are aligned with the Truth and the authentic expression of our hearts. Words are powerful and cataclysmic when we own their messages. They take flight from between our lips, escaping the realm of thoughts, elated to be free. As my marriage unraveled, I wrote my heart out…one piece was aptly titled The Deconstruction of Marriage. There may be some wisdom there as I cut a path out of that union into the unknown light of Truth. Happy to share if you think it would help. Thanks for your fine and soft vulnerability. We’re holding it with you as you find you way in this new domain. xoxo
Sending you so much love. Divorce is so hard but the other side of it holds so much growth and sweetness. My al-anon sponsor told me years ago (when I was getting divorced) “when you do what is good for you that is what is good for the world.” (Even if they do not know it because that is how the universe works.) Thank you for reminding me of that again today. xo
it is difficult to take a step, that you know, or believe will cause pain to another. It is hard to be vulnerable, and expose the truth at times – but when i see others do it – i realize that this is true strength. Sometimes you need some time between something happening – and disclosing it. I have gone through a separation – with two children – and I wish you all the best.
I see you, I understand. I hope to have the same bravery myself. To love myself enough to follow my heart.
I had intuited that this was the season you were in, the season of ending a marriage, becoming co-parent. Once, when I was in agony over wanting so badly to have a child, but being so afraid to tell my husband because for 10 years I had said the opposite, my therapist said to me, “You have the right to change your mind. He doesn’t have to like it, but he does have to accept that your truth has changed.” Our truths change. And sometimes that hurts others. And sometimes we just think it will. But hiding and burying our truths most certainly hurts us. wishingpeace and balance to your family as you journey through.
Thank you for sharing! You don’t know how much I appreciate your honesty and truthfulness. I have struggled for years to make the decision to define “the kiss” I have wanted my whole life. Your sharing your truth brings strength to others. I am seeking the same bravery you have embarked on. Thank you for who you are and all you share with us!I hope you realize that what you share through your courses, blog post excreta, means to your followers!
i had wondered…glad you are okay. your kids will see the strong you and will be glad that you cared about your life/truth too.
Your words spoke to me. I wanted to read your words all night. The comfort of your honesty was beautiful. The best for you is the best for me too. Keep sharing. Keep writing, speaking and sharing
The kiss of spirit. I’m flying with your words Andrea. xo
Lovely Andrea! I want to hug you with comforting words AND dance with you in celebration. Much Love.
Been there a number of times in my life and each time it was excrutiating. But then.. miraculously… things got better. In ways I never would have imagined. I don’t know what resolution you and Matt will find, but my own long-term separation/divorce (7 years apart!) turned into gigantic love story and we remarried last fall. Speaking your truth will save you, even if you don’t know what that looks like right now.
I was at Esalen last year when I saw a bumper sticker that said PEACE…seen many times.
It wasn’t until that moment I figured out you don’t know until you do. There is no unknowing what you know. Thank you for sharing a piece of you. It is what makes you real! Love to you!
Oh, Andrea. I was waiting for you to come and tell us. When you were gone so long, I thought it might be that. That kind of courage is awe-inspiring. Your heart is strong. I’ve been there – going through separation with kids – about 9 years ago. I wish you healing and love during this time.
Thank you for your honesty, vulnerability, and courage.
This resonates so, so much. Thank you for sharing.
As someone who has worked with you (you coached me to set up my online course) what you have just shared has meant so much to me as you know it relates so much to my own personal journey.
Your truth is such a huge, big gift Andrea. I am writing that Rumi quote in big letters in my journal.
I am sending heart love to you as you blossom my dear which you will and you are. I hope you don’t mind me saying but I am dancing for you and for all of us who dear to be true.
Much Love Jackee
“I was afraid my truth would kill him. Or me.”
So so true. So honest and raw. Thank you. Thank you for always being a truth and for striving to find yourself in the midst of so much. I’ve said it before, but you’ve played a very large part in my journey to find the truth of who I am and I’m still getting there. But you’ve been incredible and I honor you for all of your perseverance, truth and seeking. Also, your heart. Thank you. So much. <3
Thank you for sharing your truth here. xo
biggest hugs. Thank you for sharing. My own newsletter on Monday was “speak your truth” which was the exact advice I got before sitting my husband down for another chat about how I really feel and why I am not ok with things. Thankfully I took this advice and I feel we have a chance, but I know how hard it is to take that deep breath and say what is really on your heart. Much love to you xxx
I separated from my husband last year as well. I think I understand a little, about the agony of truth telling.
I was nodding as I read your post. You’re a wise woman. All the very best for the next phase of your journey. As hard as they are, amen to life/death/life cycles.
You are beautiful. Thank you for being open and vulnerable. And inspiring. You were in the room when I shared my truth about my marriage.
Thank you then for holding that space. Thank you again now for being true to you.
I am sending you so much love Andrea. I wish for you every joy. xo
You vulnerability and courage inspire me. Thank you.
Andrea, I think you are brave, strong, and true. You are inspirational in your authenticity. May I only be more like you. I saw a quote recently that said “Something good always comes from change.” (definitely paraphrased) I believe that goodness for you. xoxo
You are so brave Andrea, to take the steps you have and to share your vulnerability. I too have been in this position and struggled to let anyone in for fear of their ‘feedback’. May you find comfort in your own truth knowing that you are paving the way for others, and demonstrating your strength to your children. Sending you so many blessings. x
tears. knots. love
I am honored to bear witness. Love to you all.
Whenever I doubt (and even when I don’t) my guardian gently, consistently whispers, “It’s only the truth.”
Thank you for sharing yours.
Wishing you every happiness. All ways. Always.
This is my story too. Thank you for starting to tell it.
BIG HEARTS for you!!!!! Such bravery and courage. I hold you in my big heart. ((( <3 )))
Oh Andrea, my heart feels your pain. And I also know that knowing. I did this when my eldest left home. I knew I couldn’t ignore my truth and I had to speak out. Yes, the pain was horrendous and some very dark days, months followed. But it was freeing and what was best for me ended up being the best for those closest for me. I understand. For me the hardest part ended up being me knowing the truth and facing up to it. I decided that I didn’t want to be doing this in 10yrs or 20yrs time when it would’ve been harder. You are a superhero and a brave woman. Thinking of you and send much love.
Andrea, I have thought so much of you over the time of this silence. It made me wonder what your journey was and when you would be ready to share. Thank you for opening your heart and sharing.
Over the last 3 years as many things unfolded in my life, I have read and re-read my favorite thing you ever wrote, something that has helped me on my path. To quote you:
“I felt peaceful. The kind of peace you feel when you’ve told the truth, with love and gentleness.”
May these changes bring you and your loved ones peace.
(quote from https://www.andreascher.com/2012/05/dreams-divine-timing )
hugs to you Andrea!
you are amazing, strong and courageous!
Walking by your side Andrea!
Andrea, I love you so so much. You are so inspiring with your vulnerability and truth. Sending you all the light and love as you move through this next chapter. <3<3<3
Brave. Hard. Scary. Movement. Vulnerable. Gentle. Truth. All of it is love. I know where you stand. I stand with you. Grateful.
Kiss from spirit, kiss of joy. Beautiful words. Thank you for sharing your truth. Blessings to you and your family,
We’ve missed you too. There is no other voice like yours. I hope you will come back to this space as you continue on your journey. Wishing all good things for you and your family.
thank you for sharing your deep thoughts. somehow i got the feeling you described about knowing something..when your body tingles and you get goosebumps.. while i was watching your beautiful picture of your hand with the lines of your skin and the lines of shell..this pictures touches me and so do the words following… send you big hug overseas
Thank you for sharing this. Brave and beautiful.. the words and your spirit.
Just last week, after twelve years of alternating between a week with me and a week with her father, my thirteen-year-old daughter told me that she wants to live with me full time.
From the outside, I got to witness that elation you can feel if you speak your truth. And the fear that comes with that truth. She is so afraid to tell her father, of the hurt that this will cause him.
The beginning of a lifetime of truths pulling her towards them, I hope.
All the best to you, Andrea – you are someone I think of when I have to be brave by being honest and vulnerable.
you are beautiful and brave. sending you peace and light and love.
Here’s a crazy, illegal thought: It’s not so big.
I definitely don’t say that to diminish anyone’s experience….I’ve been there, and it sure felt big.
I say it just to make room for it to be okay. To not be the Titanic. To just be.
You came together, you both built lives, you made a beautiful family, and now you’ve put a gate in the garden fence. It’s still a garden.
You have a beautiful soul Andrea and I can feel it a thousand miles away. You are courage. You are beauty. You are heart. And you live your truth in a way that has inspired me and so many others to do the same. Thank you for sharing with us. Sending you love and warmth and friendship.
I think you are brave, beautiful and perfectly flawed. That’s my kind of Superhero. Thanks for sharing and guiding! Love you.
I knew when I read your post of Nov. 29th. I sent prayers to you and yours and felt your turmoil. My motto for all times of turmoil – one I try not to lose sight of – is “Don’t mistake the wrapping for the gift.” I’ve been through two life-threatening illnesses, divorce, job changes that weren’t my choosing, and while my initial feelings may be angst, I try and pause to clear the air and remember there is ALWAYS a gift in it if I open my heart and let it come in. Peace be with you. You are safe and you are loved.
Andrea, I hope the outreach of support brings comfort. You will be ok, Matt will be ok and how lucky we are that we live in a society that allows us these options without being ostracized. A toast to you for having the courage to share this difficult time in your life.
Know in your courage to reach out to us- you will find your strength to move on with your life in the direction that sings within your heart.
I found your site through Mike and just wanted to say hello. Thanks for being so honest and open in this post – true strength.
You are a beauti-FULL soul~ wishing you find your way back to YOU~ we sometimes lose ourselves in times of transition or turmoil~ you are not alone and you are loved
Wishing you serenity and a beautiful path back to “you”..xxxo
Andrea, your honesty and authenticity mean so much. Thank you for sharing. Sending you all warm, healing, and compassionate energy. As someone else in these comments said, ‘Soak up the love right now’ – and keep taking good care of yourself.
You are on such a courageous path. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Wishing you much peace and healing.
The poem “For Presence” by John O’Donohue was one that I turned to over and over when I separated from my husband 7 years ago. Maybe it will speak to you too.
I recently came to understand that to be vulnerable with those we love takes courage. Which you know as you filed this under Courage. Thank you for being brave. Sending you lots of love, strength, and empathy, and wishing you peace. xoxo
Thank you so much for sharing such a personal private moment you have been experiencing! It can be difficult…the sharing…the truth but when one does, it’s very freeing! Much love~
Oh I know this place so well as I walked away from my old life 4 years ago…your own truth will lead you home. It is nourishing for you to write here and fortify us that we are not alone. Thank you x
Hugs to you sweet Andrea. Many of us have been there. It’s a hard place but where you’ll eventually find your biggest growth and leap.
hugs and and love. Thank you for speaking your truth.
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